Five year old Sarah was referred to us because of concerns about her emotional well-being. She had experienced several adverse childhood experiences including exposure to domestic violence and parental separation. Her mum had been diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder due to a history of abuse from Sarah’s father which had resulted in police involvement.
At the time of the referral Sarah had recently started having supervised visits with her dad. She had never met him before these visits and her mum was worried about how they would affect her. During the initial sessions, she talked about how excited she was seeing her dad and shared her hopes that her parents might get back together. In her art, Sarah often drew images of flowers, food, butterflies, and rainbows, saying they were for “our mummies and daddies.” She talked about how “funny” her dad was and about her half-siblings who she really liked.
But at the same time Sarah was hearing conflicting messages from her mum. She had warned Sarah about her dad being dangerous and had told her about some of the abuse she had experienced. Sarah was often reminded not to share personal information with her dad, such as their home address or the type of car they drove.
Sarah appeared to be using a coping mechanism known as splitting to cope with these conflicting ideas about her dad. Splitting is a common response after trauma, where someone separates the “good” and “bad” aspects of a person to help them manage difficult emotions and spilt off the unbearable feelings. In Sarah’s case, she seemed to be splitting her father into two distinct personas – the “good dad” who she enjoyed spending time with and the “bad dad” who had hurt her mum.
As the sessions progressed, Sarah’s artwork became “darker” suggesting she was starting to integrate those two personas into one person. She mentioned that she was worried about her dad not picking her up as he was often forgetful, and how “daddy doesn’t like mummy”.’ She started talking about how she wasn’t enjoying spending time at her dad’s house and how much she loved her mum.
Through counselling, Sarah was able to explore the ’bad’ aspects of her dad’s personality and behaviours which she had previously repressed. In the sessions, she learnt relaxation strategies to help her manage her feelings and when Sarah felt she didn’t want to spend time with her dad she was able to explore this. Her safety was a priority throughout and regular communication with her mother helped ensure Sarah’s well-being during her visits with her dad. Sarah’s mum was also encouraged to see a counsellor to help her process her PTSD and the complicated co-parenting relationship. Our Family Support Worker also got involved to help her manage the co-parenting situation. Sarah’s mum felt more able to cope following the sessions and noted she was asking Sarah fewer questions about her dad after visits.
