Adam’s story – his abusive childhood and past experiences were impacting his present life

Adam’s story – his abusive childhood and past experiences were impacting his present life

abusive childhood - adult

28 year old Adam sought our help after seeing the positive impact our service had had on his partner. He was feeling stressed and anxious and was struggling to cope, often feeling overwhelmed by his volatile relationship with his partner. He was particularly concerned about the effect their relationship difficulties might have on their two young children.

Adam’s story – his abusive childhood and past experiences were impacting his present life

Following his son’s autism diagnosis, Adam began reflecting on his own sense of feeling “different” and misunderstood throughout his life. This led him to question whether he might also be neurodivergent.

One of the first steps in supporting Adam was offering flexibility to accommodate his work schedule, as he was anxious about committing to regular appointments. This flexibility helped reduce his stress and made it easier for him to engage in therapy. At the start of the sessions, Adam revealed he had tried various forms of therapy in the past but hadn’t found any of them helpful. It took several weeks to establish trust, but once this was achieved, Adam began to open up about the difficulties he was experiencing in his relationship and the impact of his past experiences on his present life.

It became clear that Adam had endured significant abuse during his childhood. This trauma had deeply affected his sense of certainty as a parent, as he had never had a positive role model to guide him. However, Adam was clear about the type of parent he did not want to be. Adam was able to express and process the profound losses he had experienced – the loss of a happy childhood and the loss of a nurturing parent figure. This acknowledgment of grief, something he hadn’t processed before, was pivotal. Adam began to understand grief as a natural process and felt relief as he articulated his feelings.

The sessions also focused on the emotional and physical impact of Adam’s trauma. They explored how his nervous system had been affected by his past experiences. This made sense to Adam. He related to and understood his ‘angry response’ – his quick temper and his desire to disengage at times.

This understanding of the connection between his past trauma and his bodily responses gave Adam a sense of clarity. This awareness had a calming effect on him which consequently had a positive effect on his relationship. He practiced calming exercises to help soothe his nervous system and began to document his thoughts and feelings between sessions.

As therapy progressed, Adam was able to identify how his sense of not belonging and his struggles with racing thoughts, insomnia, organisation, and focus might be related not only to his trauma but possibly also to neurodiversity. He found the possibility of a neurodivergent diagnosis extremely validating and a big relief.

Both Adam and his partner continued to engage in therapy for many months and both children received our help through school. Adam identified that his work was contributing to his stress and subsequently changed jobs. He began to communicate more effectively with his partner and there were less rows as a result. He felt more able to cope, to manage his anxiety, and had a greater understanding of who he was and how his past had affected him in the present.

Adam was able to separate his sense of self from his own abusive parents and began to form the confidence to grow into the loving, kind, compassionate parent he was. He has been referred for ADHD & AS assessment by his GP. Adam’s experience of therapy was extremely positive and he knows he can come back to us if he feels he needs more support in the future. His feedback described how therapy had saved his life.

IN NEED OF URGENT HELP?

If you are in crisis and need urgent help or support, don’t struggle alone, please see the list of numbers below:

NHS – 111 or 999 – 24/7

Samaritans – 116 123 or 01244 377 999 –  24/7

CALM – 0800 58 58 58 – 5pm – midnight

National Suicide Prevention Helpline UK – 0800 689 5652 – 24/7

Cafe71 – 01244 393 139 – 10am – 10pm

CWP Healthwatch / MyMind (CYP) – 0800 145 6485 – 24/7

SHOUT (text service) – 85258 – 24/7

SANEline – 0300 304 7000 – 4pm – 10pm

The Martin Gallier Project Chester – 0151 644 0294 – Weekdays 9:30 – 4pm

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